Gardening For The Soul

So when I was at my Transformational Thinking program last week, we talked about appreciation and how when you give folks feedforward (his words) as opposed to feedback, (clever, huh?) people are way more likely to take positive action in pursuit of change.  We huddled nervously in groups of 5 as each of us said what we appreciated about the other group members in relation to the program we’d all just experienced.  And last, but certainly not least, we had to verbalize to the group what we appreciated about ourselves.  It made us realize how our brains are so tuned into picking up the negative and how we really have to pay attention in order to focus on depth in the positive beyond just ‘good job’ or ‘that’s great’.  It’s also difficult for many people to self-appreciate although interestingly, that came quite easily to me!

Anyway, this might be wonderful to try at work but just think of the possibilities at home.  Makes one salivate just thinking about it, huh?  Honey, I so appreciate that you snore and keep me awake as it allows me to think so many wonderful things about you in the night!!  Sweetie, I just love it when you give me that ‘duh, Mum’ look as when you do that, I feel that I am making such a meaningful contribution to your growth.

So I conducted a little experiment on Tuesday night to see how appreciation goes in the Miller family.   Mea culpa here:  I had somewhat selfish reasons for doing it.  I was feeling unappreciated and needed some love, but as Steve indicated he was feeling the same and Victoria was generally grumpy, in for a penny, in for a pound as we say at home (in case you didn’t guess that that’s where it came from).  I also have to admit to not picking the optimal time.  Victoria was texting a friend who was having a crisis and Steve was watching the Bruins, but being a person who is rarely put off by others not wanting to do something when I do, ahead I forged!  I explained what we did in the class, checked in to see if folks were at least willing to play my game and like the USS Enterprise, we launch into unknown territory, to boldly go where no man has gone before!

I go first ‘cos it’s my game and I get to pick!  Say my piece to Victoria, now onto Steve.  But wait, just as I am waxing lyrical about his wonderful ways, the Bruins give up a goal and my good words float away like a kid’s balloon accidentally released.  Then before I know it, somehow I am derailed before I get to Sarah and Steve is taking over and repeating to Victoria what I’ve just said, in a very heartfelt, sincere way I would add.  What is going on?  This is not how I wrote the rules!!  OK, things now get a little muddled as aforementioned friend is texting madly, so we have a 2 minute timeout to deal with that.  Bruins score – yeah – and I nudge us all back to the game.  Sarah leaps in next and addresses me but danger, danger, she starts to compare all the great things I do to all the crappy things Victoria does and once again, we have to take a mini timeout to ensure we’re all on the same page.  Victoria finally gets her turn, manages to say something nice about Sarah even with her face stuffed into the rug, appreciates Steve and me and before you can say Jack Robinson (another phrase from home), we all pass go and collect our $200.

Phew, back to planet Earth.  We all look at each other, mildly surprised that we at least made it through one round.  I decide to strike whilst the iron is hot and get everyone signed up for another pass Sunday evening when we eat dinner together.  What are the chances that this time they’ll follow my rules?!?!

P.S.  If you’d like to follow this blog (as opposed to my rules!), click on follow and enter your e-mail address.  You’ll get an e-mail which you need to open and confirm your request.  Then viola, I’m all yours.