Gardening For The Soul

So, things are moving along. Yesterday I went to see the surgeon and he confirmed the MRI results (had this secret little fear that his nurse had given me the wrong results!) and that the tumor is small. He and I talked about the options again and I am almost certain that I will go for the more radical approach, if my healthcare will cover it – checking on that. Although the MRI indicates that nothing has spread within the breast, they do not know if it’s moved in to my lymph nodes and won’t know until surgery. They do this fancy thing called Sentinel Node biopsy during surgery to see if the cancer has spread in to the nodes most directly connected to the breast. If this is positive, then they check the nodes beyond that but I have to wait a week for those results – yuk! I have a 10-15% chance of it having spread which also means an 85-90% chance that it hasn’t. If it has spread, then chemo is in order and if it hasn’t, they send away the sample to check for level of aggression, so to spreak. Low aggression, no chemo, high aggression, chemo. If I have to go this route, I was thinking the Nicki Minaj line of wigs might a good option as pink and green quite suit me! I also gave blood for the genetic test for BRCA 1/2 yesterday and I will know the results in a couple of weeks.

The surgeon’s schedules are booked quite some time out, so it looks like my surgery won’t happen until the beginning of July. I am fine with this as the surgery is extensive with an overnight stay in hospital, no driving and no bathing or showering for 7-10 days, with a visiting nurse every day. The kids will be out of school by then, so along with friends and hubby, I’ll have them to help me out (bowls of cereal all round, or perhaps pop tarts and toast!). I also am looking forward to a break from all this for a while, being able to focus on having a normal life for a patch. I am not one of those people who worries in advance about having surgery although I am sure a few days before or so, my anxiety level will start to rise.

In general, I am doing fine and my surgeon Dr Karp is great. Yesterday he really put my mind at ease – he explains everything so clearly and is so calm that he reassures me. This road is such a journey and although I want to get through it ASAP and out the other end, the only way forward is one step at a time, being just where I am for that day. Some days, the grief still hits me and I have a little five minute pity party to myself, but yes, I have breast cancer and there is nothing I can do to change that. All I can do is focus on what I can do, ensure I am getting the best medical help and support I can get, ensure my emotional and physical health is as good as it can be and use the wonderful strength you all give me to stand up and be courageous in the face of this ‘adventure’.

Thank you all again for your notes and best wish,
Love Amanda