Those of you that have seen the Mary Poppins Returns movie might recognize this as one of the songs that Mary sings to the Banks’ children. Their mother has died and they are mourning her touch and love for them.
The song helps them to understand that their mother is not lost to them – she is in the stars, in the moon and most of all inside of them. And I am sure the parallel to my situation is not lost on anybody reading this.
I sobbed in the movie theater, I sobbed in the car on the way home, I sobbed when I told Steve about it, I sobbed when I told Victoria (she got teary too), I sobbed in bed last night and I am getting teary writing about this here.
This song feels like it pulls out my heart strings and leaves them dangling in the wind, raw and vulnerable, like laundry blowing on the washing line on a chilly, windy day.
But there is not much better than a good sob although it can feel exhausting and so painful in the moment. Today I feel better emotionally then I have in weeks. As I have written before, grief and the acknowledgement of it are so important to me in my journey. Giving it the space to come forth when it needs to and to honor and witness it are critical. Otherwise it sits inside me like a ‘cancer’, invading my other emotions, leading to depression, anxiety and a sort of passiveness/numbness about my whole ‘thing’.
The flood gates opened when they needed to and now I can again acknowledge the beauty in my situation (I get to be a star!!!) along with the pain.
Love to all,
Amanda xxx
P.S. Coincidentally, a friend posted on FB today an article by Thich Nhat Hanh that follows the same vein about our loved ones living inside us. Here is the link to the article if you want to check it out. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1195156-the-day-my-mother-died-i-wrote-in-my-journal
P.P.S. Even though I sobbed, I loved, loved, loved the movie!! Go see it 🙂
Amanda – I loved your post and while i have not seen the movie, the fact that the Mother is in the stars, the moon, the trees fills my heart! January 11th marked the one year when i lost mine and on that morning i was in Santa Fe and i invited her to breakfast. As she sat across me, i thanked her for all her love and all of the wonderful moments she shared with me. It was such a poignant few moments. I also told her that I was okay and even though I was crying it was really from releasing her and sending her on her way.
Lots of love to you! You are amazing to share this with us!
Hello Brave one! Another friend highly recommended this film who, as far as I know, has none of your specific challenges. I will try and see the Mary Poppins Returns film and am grateful for the healing it offered to you. The other thing not exactly connected to the film, but to the idea of becoming the Star…Joni Mitchell’s long ago song ‘Woodstock’ has a chorus that says, “We are Star Dust, Million year old carbon, and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden.” I used to sing it with my guitar. Here she is singing it for the BBC in 1970. Bear the brief intro she gives it as it’s worth the wait: https://youtu.be/cRjQCvfcXn0 (Copy and paste link) Love, Ruthie C.
You are brave allowing your emotions to come out and play when they need to.
Im playing with that concept later and yes, after you allow a good cry, you always feel better even if nothing changed or you still cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Allowing the emotions is a lesson to learn in itself and many human beings are terrified of their own feelings.
So good for you my dear friend, embracing everything on this path.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you again my friend for such a wonderful piece to share and also read the article by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is a great reminder that we are never really gone and that we are always showing up in everything as you stated. ❤️
What a beautiful description of the emotional release you experienced, Amanda. Indeed, the only way “out” is through. Thank you for the Thich Nhat Hanh link also.