Those of you that have seen the Mary Poppins Returns movie might recognize this as one of the songs that Mary sings to the Banks’ children. Their mother has died and they are mourning her touch and love for them.
The song helps them to understand that their mother is not lost to them – she is in the stars, in the moon and most of all inside of them. And I am sure the parallel to my situation is not lost on anybody reading this.
I sobbed in the movie theater, I sobbed in the car on the way home, I sobbed when I told Steve about it, I sobbed when I told Victoria (she got teary too), I sobbed in bed last night and I am getting teary writing about this here.
This song feels like it pulls out my heart strings and leaves them dangling in the wind, raw and vulnerable, like laundry blowing on the washing line on a chilly, windy day.
But there is not much better than a good sob although it can feel exhausting and so painful in the moment. Today I feel better emotionally then I have in weeks. As I have written before, grief and the acknowledgement of it are so important to me in my journey. Giving it the space to come forth when it needs to and to honor and witness it are critical. Otherwise it sits inside me like a ‘cancer’, invading my other emotions, leading to depression, anxiety and a sort of passiveness/numbness about my whole ‘thing’.
The flood gates opened when they needed to and now I can again acknowledge the beauty in my situation (I get to be a star!!!) along with the pain.
Love to all,
Amanda xxx
P.S. Coincidentally, a friend posted on FB today an article by Thich Nhat Hanh that follows the same vein about our loved ones living inside us. Here is the link to the article if you want to check it out. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1195156-the-day-my-mother-died-i-wrote-in-my-journal
P.P.S. Even though I sobbed, I loved, loved, loved the movie!! Go see it 🙂
